Maybe you don't -need- to shave your backside...but you should put
considerable thought into it, as that's the only part Sapience sees of
you anymore. It also would probably help your diction, as you seem to
only talk out of your posterior, and the words apparently get tangled in
the hair on their way out. At least. Ahem. At least that's what I think
is happening.

Penned by my hand on the 6th of Mayan, in the year 419 AF.