Oh, my friends...there is such pain and resentment in the world that
many of us, myself included, were blissfully unaware of prior to the
recent slew of posts. Please believe me when I say that I have the
utmost sympathy for those of you whose relationships have ended in a
less than fantastic manner. I can, to an extent, share your pain due to
reasons that would probably seem Insane to most.

That being said, it is my firm belief that there is no such thing as
Love without forgiveness (apologies to the Lady Selene if I am stepping
on Her toes here; it only now occured to me that She might have Her own
thoughts on the matter). If you love someone, truly love them - if you
believe, in your heart of hearts, that they are a good person (and we
all know I'm not talking strictly about alignment here), and that they
are worthy of being loved, you should be able to find it in your heart
to forgive them for whatever sins you believe they have done against
you. It's not easy, it's not painless, and it's certainly not something
one would expect to happen immediately.

It is, however, something that I know made me feel a lot better about my
situation, and hopefully would make you feel much better about yours.
Holding a grudge against someone is not a way to move on with your life
- and moving on doesn't have to mean moving past. In my situation, she
and I remain very close friends - it's not by any means easy for me,
especially when I think about her feeling safe and secure while someone
besides me holds her close, or when I realize that someone else is
making her smile the way I tried to do each and every day.

I temper this with the knowlege that she is, or can be, happy with this
other person, and that in turn makes me happy. I truly desire that, more
than anything else. Of course I still wish she could be happy with me,
but I know that we just weren't working properly. I understand and
accept that this was probably the best thing for us to do, and now I
just have to come to terms with the idea that I, in all liklihood, will
not be able to find another to fill the void she left any time soon. The
difference here is the timing.

Das, I don't think you and I have ever actually interacted. I don't
pretend to know you, how you think, feel, act; what makes you laugh,
what makes you hurt. I only ask that you listen to what I'm saying with
an open mind. Sixty years is a long time. People can change. Many do.
Even if she did do what you accuse her of - and I'm not arguing that she
didn't - is it truly that important now? From what I've read, you've
moved on, you remarried (congratulations on that, by the way - would
that I were able to even think about that sort of thing!)...it just
doesn't seem like this is something worth still being upset about.

It's been said that the hardest thing you'll ever have to do is watch
the one you love, love someone else. What I've learned recently is that
it doesn't have to ONLY be painful and sad. If you can learn to love her
in a different way - as a friend, as a companion, as a sparring or
bashing partner - if you can do that, you can let go of the bitterness
and the resentment that will eat away at you from the inside. You can
walk past her in the street, stop, smile, and chat with her for a bit,
and then go back to whatever you were doing without that feeling of
regret or bitterness. Do you truly desire to spend every day filled with
such ugly emotions? Can you not, after (according to the recent posts)
sixty years - SIXTY years, Das - can you still not let go?

Have you tried?


In service of Compassion and Harmony,

Naruki Stormcrow

Penned by my hand on the 15th of Scarlatan, in the year 417 AF.