Echo has related the tale of how a lizard pleaded with her NOT to sac it and she, being the Worthy that she is, hearkened to it's pleas and harmed it not. I too have a tale to tell. I haven't related it 'ere now, as I can scarce believe it meself to this day. Yet, it happened in this manner:

Whilst strolling through Azdun one day, a furious cave bear came charging in, crushing everything in its path! With a nonchalance I scarcely felt, I prepared myself to prepare the bear, when his gaze alighted upon me and, snatching me up in a bone crushing bearhug, he cries "Thank GOD! A Priest at last!". Stunned with shock at the sight of the agitated bruin (that SPOKE, no less!), I was discomfited at first and knew not what to say or do, save to sputter mindlessly at the oddity of it all! He gave me no time to gather my wits and plunged headlong into this sililoquy, which I herewith relate in its entirety:

"You can't imagine what it's like in the forest these days!" bespoke the ponderous ursine, "They are driving me MAD, I tell you, MAD!! What with all this 'Hail, friend bear, and well met! How farest thou in the woods this fine day?'...Then, there is the constant lavishing of affections in the form of pettings and pattings and hugs...hugs!! I'm a BEAR, dammit! *I* do the hugging in Achaea!". Here the overwrought wretch actually broke down and cried, eliciting pangs of sympathy from me that I had heretofore ne'er ascribed to in my career. "Who", I asked him consolingly as I attempted to place my arm around his neck in comforting solace, "are these of whom you speak?"

Shrinking in horror at my embrace, he stated "Oh, touch me not, Redemptor of my sanity! I cannot ABIDE another handling! I speak of the tree-huggers! Those awful, sickly-sweet DRUIDS!" Touching a massive paw to his forehead, he fell into a swoon that shook the trees for yards in all directions and twitched spasmodically upon the forest floor!

Urgently and unctuously urging the unwell ursine to get a grip on his emotions , I pondered his words carefully. Druids? What in the world can he have against these (mainly) peaceful folk? Do they not abide in peace in the forest realms? I confess my confusion on the point. So, I gave him Bliss to calm his shattered nerve and, after a moment, he came to his senses with a blush at his weakness and began to relate the horrors he and all the forest creatures hold for the 'Treehugging Druids', as he termed them.

"You can't imagine...you can't *imagine* the atrocities performed on our dignity every second of every day! I, the mightiest of beasts in the forest realms, have to endure the moist, sad-eyed scoldings of the Druids every time I scratch my back against a tree! Or, even worse, if I should wander through one of their 'Groves' I and my fellow creatures are tormented by oh-so-plaintive whinings of 'Alas, Worthy Bruin, thou hast trampled my carefully tended plot!'...with their 'Tsk, tsk, tsk' and their waggling of fingers at me...me! A cave bear!". Shaking his head in disgust, he further expounds: "I'm telling you, is it any WONDER that few animals REFUSE the offer of their physical essence, so as to ESCAPE this un-bear-able torment? I ask you!".

Waving off the beginnings of my reply he continues, "I hear them, you know, they think we don't understand, but we do. They speak of 'We must protect the forest animals, they are our charge. We have the protection of the forests to consider, it is our duty!'. What a sack of scat! As if I can't knock the head off of anyone who dares stand against me, should they be so foolish to try! Why, the very IDEA is ludicrous in the extreme!". Huffing in righteous indignation, he pauses and mutters bearish imprecations under his breath at all things Druish.

"Sorry indeed am I to hear of your woes, Friend Bruin (he winced visibly at this), yet what am I and my Brethern to do to succor you and your kind?", quoth I.

"Sacrifice me!", he cried, grabbing at the lapels of my robes, "for the love of whatever God you hold supreme, sacrifice me! I can't ABIDE another minute of the endless torment!" Here, he pitiously dissolved into tears and collapsed once again onto the ground. My heart swelling with sympathy, I prepared his soul to ascend into the Heavens. Gratefully, he followed me to the place of his ascension and, with the strength of my Faith, I placed him upon the Altar and chanted the words that released him from his earthly bonds and wafted his essence to the Heavens and the waiting embrace of the Gods. And yet, as I composed myself from the rigours of the ceremony, methinks I heard a still, small voice crying out..."Free at last! Free at last! Good God Almighty, free at last!"

And therein lies my tale, ne'er spoken of before this day....
Dingo

Penned by my hand on the 14th of Aeguary, in the year 226 AF.