You make it sound as if your victims truly understand what is going on, perhaps they think they are in line for a play or something of the sort. Anyways I still can't see how people who claim to further the sciences and arts of Achaea etc. can pick on poor little Achaeans, and not give them the better choice of suicide than to die from your knurled , dirty fingers
Sir Kay, for the protection of everyone's right to suicide

Penned by my hand on the 18th of Daedalan, in the year 226 AF.