Greetings, Sapience!

There's been a resurgence of activity amongst the poetic-minded sorts of late, and seeing this has stirred my inspiration! As such, I am pleased to announce the first Horrible Haiku Contest! Is it actually the first of its kind? I'm not sure! I didn't fact-check this! But it's MY first one, so that's good enough for me!

First, some questions!

Q: What the heck even is a haiku?

A: Great question, you uncultured swine! A haiku is a form of poetry devoted to simplicity and balance! Most popularly recognisable for its seventeen-syllable length broken into three lines of five-seven-five and its theme of natural imagery, the haiku is historically meant to capture some sort of relationship between the poet and nature, expressing unity and understanding, but the subject matter is ultimately up to the writer. That being said, variations of the haiku that explore other themes do have different names, but we won't go into that here!

Q: But Taelle, aren't ALL haiku horrible?

A: That's a great question, and it hurts my feelings! Believe it or not, there ARE standards to haiku! Let's take a second to analyze what might be considered a good haiku, and why:

"On a leafless bough;
A single crow is perched there--
in the Autumn dusk."

This haiku explores natural themes while addressing 'Where', 'When', and 'What'. The first line tells you where the action is taking place, offering you a visual with which to immediately connect. The second line emphasizes what is engaging with the bough, a crow that captures the centre of your imagination, while complementing the surroundings. Then, finally, the last line introduces when this is all taking place, the dusk of Autumn, which creates a stark twilight that gives the reader a sense of solitude or despair.

Now take all that 'good' nonsense and throw it out the window!

Q: So how horrible can my haiku be?

A: Your haiku should still be recognisable as a haiku; that is, strictly speaking, your haiku should follow the five-seven-five structure! Let's try to keep them from being TOO off-colour while we're at it! Besides that, go nuts!

Q: Will there be a prize?

A: I'm glad you asked! There will absolutely be prizes!

1st Place Most Horrible Haiku: 100CR
2nd Place Runner-Up Horrible Haiku: 60CR
3rd Place Honorably Horrible Haiku: 30CR

In addition, all haikus submitted will be recorded for posterity in a tome and distributed to interested libraries throughout Sapience! Additionally, a copy will be kept on board the library of the Floating Museum of Modern Art, or FMOMA (still under construction!) once the contest has concluded!

Q: How do we submit entries to this fantastic and ingenius contest, you brilliant scholar and gentleman!?

A: First of all, flattery will get you nowhere in this contest, but thank you! Second, please mail all submissions to me, Taelle Si'Talvace, in signed letters. Yes, sign them, or else I won't know who submitted what! Additionally, you may submit multiple entries to the contest, but only ONE entry will be selected as a winner for each category, and each individual can only place once!

This contest will run for one year from the date of this posting, whereupon entries will no longer be accepted! At that point in time, our judges will deliberate and winners will be announced!

We look forward to seeing what you're all capable of, folks! Do your worst!

Sincerely,
Taelle Si'Talvace

Penned by my hand on the 10th of Chronos, in the year 914 AF.