Are you thinking of applying to the CIJ?

If so, be aware that you'll have to write an application letter. In the
event that this letter reads like it was scribbled on napkins you used
to wipe your ape-like mouth while devouring gleam-laced cupcakes, as
they invariably do, be advised that it will make me hate you before I
even meet you.

I'm not asking for much here, people. We're not the Carnivalis Institute
of Scholarly Writing. All I'm looking for is for someone to demonstrate
that the thoughts that wallow in those cavernous voids you people call
brains eventually manage to fuse together into passably intelligent
thoughts.

If you're sitting there wondering if this post refers to you, even
though you haven't yet applied to be in the CIJ, I can assure you that
it does, and I hope that you fling yourself into a lava pool, so that
your tainted remains will be buried deep beneath the ground, never to
again manifest themselves in a living being.

With Love,
Tiax

Penned by my hand on the 6th of Phaestian, in the year 420 AF.