The following is a public service announcement:

Don't bother reading "The Paladin Part One: The Assimilator", salt
rubbed into papercuts is far more pleasant and bearable. Aye, I have
walked unto the fire and have born the pain and agony so that none of
you must endure the same. If you are truly masochistic, or perhaps an
insomniac, then I suppose you could pick up this glorified paperweight
(which also doubles as a fine piece of kindling).

The plot has more holes in it than a moth-eaten blanket, and I'm being
generous when I say that Apollonia could take a lesson from the author
when it comes to predictability. This is the sort of book parents use to
punish naughty children, in the form of: "If you don't eat your peas, I
will read that horrible Paladin book. This will hurt me a lot more than
you." On the plus side, a lot more children will now benefit from
well-balanced diets.

Along with the plot being utterly predictable and the characters being
stiff to the point of rivaling petrified wood, there is very little I
can say in the way of positive review. Save for one thing, as the
protagonist was preparing to slay the Occultist, he shared a the most
brief of tender glances, bordering on flirtation with the Occultist's
summoned Crone. This gave me a moment of hope, as I thought to myself,
"finally! A bit of a drama! Forbidden love! Huzzah!" I really should
have known better, being an Occultist myself, for the protagonist was
dispatched shortly after by an entourage of chaotic minions. Though it
was no surprise, and rather expected, that sort of story never gets old.

In summary: Purchase this book because you want to punish your children,
find it difficult to sleep at night, happen to feel especially
masochistic, or cannot bring yourself to line your bird cage with old
copies of the Dear Dr. Tekla advice column (available for your reading
pleasure in the Bastion Bugle, I'm sure Lucca would be happy to sell you
a copy).

Yours most sincerely,
Dr. Tekla Aristata Yuy D'Stellis

Penned by my hand on the 2nd of Chronos, in the year 419 AF.