Dearest Sapience,

I must write to you today to tender my apologies for the unfortunate
incident of having my marital issues displayed before the public.
Recently, I stared in horror at the person calling himself my husband as
he came to my village while falling-down drunk, unwashed, hair
disheveled, jeweled hairpins hanging on by a thread... and proceeded to
grope our poor innocent dryads and babble at the Treekin. THEN he began
yelling vile insults and ridiculous comments about how he no longer
needed any woman -- mind you, this was all in full view of our very
shocked village Matron, Whom he then attempted to sweet talk right in
front of me... (To which She responded, and I quote, "Oi!" and then
edged herself nervously away from him, the poor Dear). Well, dear
people, I must say, upon viewing all of this, I've come to the
conclusion that this hideous farce of a marriage to a senseless ape such
as he... well it is no longer worth saving.

Therefore, I apologize truly to everyone for having wasted your valuable
time by publicly discussing a bond that no longer exists between myself
and this insane, deviant (and suddenly conspicuously hairy) wastrel of a
man! He is an embarrassment to all who come near him, so take that as a
warning, dear people! Oh... and in all fairness since I'm giving
warnings to those who may come in contact with him, I should also warn
you about his breath, which, being recently scented with the aroma of
several months' worth of soured ale, is enough to knock out a humgii
(and was probably the main reason that the beauteous and delicate Lady
Kastalia felt it necessary to back away so swiftly when he spoke to
Her).

To Ephram... keep believing in true love, sir! Despite the overwhelming
evidence, I have not given up on its existence, nor should anyone.

To my dear friend Ainia and her gloriously gay fiance Agrias, I wish to
say congratulations! I hope to someday too find my perfect gay or
straight or any-combination-of-the-two partner (whichever he or she
chooses to be, because I don't make judgments on personal choices like
that), and thus truly have the love that I -thought- I had before.

And finally, to Lady Kastalia - I do hope You were not too traumatized
by the actions of a certain drunken Mr. Mendacis, and I feel obligated
(but not happily) to beg Your divine tolerance on his behalf, and I pray
that I receive Your empathy for utterly humiliating things such as this
I've had to live with up to now!

Sincerely,
Oenone Atreide

Penned by my hand on the 18th of Miraman, in the year 417 AF.