To the vaguely man-shaped thing that I married,

How dare you cast stones on my honour? How dare you? All these years
that I've put up with your obsession with hairlessness and your
unhealthy attachment to that stupid bear, and THIS is how you repay me?
Harlotry, hah! I've had men, women, dragons, and the occasional goblin
offer me the world! I could have thrown you and your 'health issues'
away a million times, yet I remained a faithful and loyal wife.

But I say this - I'll no longer be your slave! 'Wash my socks, cook my
food, shave my -- well, YOU know! Again!' That's all I heard from you.
But the one time I let you go with murky footwear, raw mutton, and a
slightly hairy -- well YOU know... just so you might appreciate all that
I do... I get accused of harlotry! I even fixed it up in little ringlets
with jeweled hairpins, but do I get any appreciation for my artistry?!
Nay, nay nothing but insults and lies!

So here is my joke for you. We finally agree. It's time to see other
people. I'll gladly take my forestal chicks, my TRUE friends and family,
and you can go back to your little city. And if you're still up for a
giggle sometime, drop by my grove. My golem friend will have a welcome
hug for you that you'll REALLY get a kick out of.

Sincerely,
Ms. Atreide

P.S. You can keep the hairpins. Gods know when you'll next manage to get
a shave. Or try wax. There's plenty in the post office.

Penned by my hand on the 2nd of Aeguary, in the year 417 AF.