Targossas,

It is with a heavy heart and through teary eyes that I write this. Some of you have noticed the sorrow that dimmed the light in my eyes, hid the smile you've come to know, and stripped me of the joy I served with for over two centuries. You have an idea why, as I am sure many of you have heard the accusations, but not the full story. Some of you heard what I said of Her. The full story is long and nuanced. That is not the purpose of this post. If you want my side, ask me.

Instead, I will offer you a glimpse of the way She was, for the younger generations will never know Her as I once did. I will tell you about how She used to be, as Her words confirm that warmth and kindness are now a hindrance in Her eyes. I offer this as a final lament to the Lightbringer's compassion.

...

I was only a child when the Worldreaver threatened Creation. I offered Her the miniscule help that I could. She gladly accepted it, and thanked me for my help after Bal'met was slain. Her words to me as a novice were, "You fought long and hard in the face of great adversity. Walk proudly, knowing that this victory is yours as much as Ours."

She was a beacon of hope to all who spoke to Her. Her warmth and kindness was known to all, even those who were enemies. Her mercy knew no bounds.

She acted with a pure love for Creation, for there was much to be done. She encouraged us to take care of ourselves, as we could be of no use if we burned out. We loved Her enough to work ourselves to the bone, and She did not wish that for us.

She had a fiery temper, but we always understood Her. Her wrath was terrifying, but always justified. She punished us, at times, and Her disappointment was an icy grip of the heart, yet She never left us without hope.

She loved the young, and encouraged them freely, for the young especially can be whomever they wish to be. You old folks are more apprehensive of change, but none were beyond redemption. None.

She had gentle mischief in Her, and a loving sense of humor. I once accidentally flooded Her storage room with magical eye sigils, and called for Silas to help. We decided it was Kard's fault and ran away. I will never forget Her reaction.

She called Her Voice Peacock, a nickname I am sure many will agree was suiting for Silas. She called Her next Voice, Micaelis, Peachick. Apt, no? She loved them both so much.

She believed in me, when I did not. She did not coddle us; there was balance. She inspired us, and we worked tirelessly to keep from disappointing Her. Not out of fear, but out of a fervent eagerness to serve Her well.

She was patient with me through my youthful stumbles, and though I disappointed Her at times, Her love was always palpable. A little mote of light on the shoulder, the sense of Her belief in me, light within comforting mist ... and other ways in which She made Her love known. I worked harder with every sign.

When She asked why I do not carry the name of my blood family, I offered Her an explanation. She then named me al Ashtad - of Justice - and called me Her Golden Justice. When She met my daughter, She called her 'little dawn'. My heart still melts at the memory.

She hated ships. Okay, fine, Silas, this part hasn't changed.

She kissed me on the forehead, when I did something that especially pleased Her. She had no need to kill me when I displeased Her; Her disapproval alone made me want to die.

On one of Her birthdays, Her Aarash Kheyr gathered in Al Qalat, and I sang a terrible song about how much I adored Her. We gifted Her a suit of armour, among other things. Her smile was forever etched into my heart.

She cared for Her Aarash Kheyr. She loved us, checked how we were doing, checked how the Votaries were doing... there was a natural, innate desire to serve Her, to do what might please Her. There was an active, flourishing following of those who believed in Her. Service was never easy, but wanting to serve was.

The denizens that followed Her were as happy as we were. Giles tugged at his little bow, Berunis shouted about him eating her hat, and Melvin made eyes at Halos. They all attended the Dawnlord's wedding, they all adored Her, and they were all so full of an infectious joy of life.

She once tried to rouse me from meditation for an Aarashi meeting, by mentiong bears, swings, and bears on swings. It worked. I attended and there were no bears on swings. The next month, She visited me on a ship(!!!) to present me with a bear plush on a swing.

Warmaker Tahrvos found what would become my beloved jaguar on one of his trips. I found Berunis shrieking from atop a table, swinging a broom at poor Solsci. I claimed him as my own. The Lightbringer wished to see the beast for Herself, and was pleased. She blessed him.

She valued the little joys in life. My faith in Her was significant, and carried me through my darkest days. She was my inspiration, She was the reason I fought and bled, and She was the most amazing being I have ever known.

...

Whatever happened in the Outer Planes, She is different. She is a cruel ghost of who She once was. I mourn the loss of Her kindness. I mourn the loss of Her warmth. I mourn the loss of my faith in Her. I mourn the loss of the love She showed Targossas.

And I mourn what She has become.


Love,
Tesha

Penned by my hand on the 24th of Chronos, in the year 835 AF.