I was Ashtani since birth, but after losing both my beloved brother and mother in the same year, I found myself struggling to wake. I pushed through my house tasks and tried to move on. One day, while working on some combat, a combo actually worked! I was so excited I wanted to show my mentor. I had never gotten this exact combo to work before, and I wasn't even really sure if it was a fluke or not. But,it worked again! I'd just killed my mentor. I thought he'd be proud of me, and tell me good job, However, he was furious.

I was so confused by this behavior, I ran. Honestly, I don't remember all the details, but I do remember a few months later, when Ryldagh, the Archon Ascendant of Ashtan asked me to come over to the executioner. He said I'd broken a law by killing a fellow citymate, and I was to be excuted. I admitted I had and placed my head on the chopping block, and died for my crimes.

I remember my mentor being so upset that he didn't get to be the one to have my head. I will also admit, that being so many decades ago, I don't remember all the details, but I do remember that he left Ashtan and moved to Targossas. Perhaps it was because he was upset, but it could have also been for some other, non-related reason. I can't say.

Having lost yet another person in my life, I once again struggled to find purpose in my life, and a reason to wake up. I rested for some time. I tried to start over by moving to Hashan, but that didn't work either. I was not at home there.

Finally, one day, I'd had enough. I reached out to the Ambassador of Ashtan to see what it would take to move back home. I filled out the required forms and mailed them in. I was so hopeful I'd be able to return to my house and my city. However, a few months later, I got word that I was rejected. But that's okay, just wait 2 years, and you can re-apply.

During this two year waiting period, Ashtan underwent some serious changes. There were 4 new archons. My old mentor being one of them. He had returned from Targossas and was now one of the city leaders. Oh How proud I was of him! He may have hated me, but I held no ill feelings against him. However, I found myself unable to speak to him because he had chosen never to recieve communication from me.

So, as my two year deadline approached, I reached out to some of the Archons to see if they felt I had a chance at reapplying. I wanted nothing more than to return home to Ashtan, to be happy again. Their response to me was positive. So, later that day, I went to hang out with an old friend. He asked me to follow him and we went into a room where three of the Archons (including my ex-mentor) were.

The greeting I recieved was less than welcoming. He told my friend that he had stepped in a pile of feces on his way in, referring to me. I could tell that both men were upset at this. One because I was in the room and wanted to rejoin Ashtan, the other because this man was rude to me. I quickly left, not wanting to cause more problems.

Now, if you're still reading this, I do appreciate it, so I won't bore you with anymore pointless details, feel free to ask around if you're really interested.

However, I am now essentially blacklisted from ever rejoining Ashtan because of a personal issue one man has with the actions of a young girl, just learning combat. I have tried to apologize for killing him, and I'm pretty sure he has taken my life in retribution. He claims it is because I am no one and have never accomplished anything. And that is partly true. I do not have much to show for my life, but that is because I was rarely around. I wasn't around because I was not enjoying the situation I was in.

Since I can see now that I will likely never be happy with this outcome, and not wishing to cause more drama in the lives of those I do love and care about, I am removing myself from the situation.

Ashtan, I want what is best for you. Please take care and considering when choosing those to lead you. You will always be my home even if I am not allowed to return. I want what is best for you and your future and hope one day I might be able to come home.

Do not message me. I will not answer. Thank you to those who were there for me these last few days. I do appreciate you.

Penned by my hand on the 18th of Glacian, in the year 820 AF.